What Do You Mean I Can’t Wear Makeup To Surgery??
If you are a man I would like to recommend you step away.
Just leave this post unread… it is for the best..
I will be writing about secret women things and such..
Actually, if you are a women who considers secret women
things a poor topic of conversation, you should step away from your computer too..
Now, for the 10 or so of you that are left, I will go ahead and tell my story..
If you follow me on Facebook or Twitter,
you would have known that I was scheduled for a little surgery yesterday.
Now that I am home and on pain pills, I would like to share about my experience..
You are welcome..
First, because I have a short attention span because of the pills,
I will show you a picture of my new coat from Victoria’s Secret, as I promised I would-
I love it so much!
And it completely matches my pale anemic complexion too!
That anemia is part of the reason for my procedure yesterday.
Here is my story..
I found out a week ago I needed to have a surgical procedure and I needed to have it fast.
It was on an organ of the female type gender….not generally an organ found in a male..
So, as you can imagine I was really excited. It was just what I wanted for Christmas.
I got a phone call the day before the surgery from a nurse with my pre-op instructions.
She had a British accent, which I believe was deliberate. She could have told me they would
need to be severing one of my limbs and it would have sounded lovely.
She didn’t tell me that though..She told me to wear no makeup or jewelry.
She obviously doesn’t know me..
Here is a lovely picture of myself and my family right before my 3rd C-Section 20 years ago.
Note the earrings that match the hospital gown?
And you can’t tell but I am wearing makeup. I believe my one concession
was to leave off the blue eyeshadow. I considered that natural enough..
On a side note – aren’t you so jealous of how cool we all look in this picture?
And how about my hubby’s mullet?!!
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Anyway, I assured the surgical team that I would not wear any make up.
Then they told me I shouldn’t even wear shoes, just sweats and slippers..
I guess that ruled out my boots with heels.. I was beginning to think this might not be fun..
Hmmmm..
Then they hit me with the no food or drink for 12 hours..
Apparently they consider coffee to be a drink. I include it in the same realm as oxygen.
I am not pleasant without my coffee…
We had to be at the Day-Surgical center at 7:00 am. So we shuffled in, me in my sweats
and slippers, pale faced and blingless…There were somewhere around 300 people in the waiting room.
The receptionist loudly called my name, then proceeded to ask me some embarrassing questions at the
top of her lungs.. I believe some people may have snapped pictures with their phones..
Then they took me back to the Pre-Op area. Each patient had a cubicle with a scanty curtain.
There was a chair and IV hookup. They left me there to change into an adorable gown that had
2 strings to tie it closed. One string at the top and one at the bottom..It was confusing..
and breezy..
They also gave me a darling pair of surgical undies, one-size-fits-hippo’s….
They hooked me up to the IV, and then my Doctor stopped by.
He told me he had been thinking about me all night and hoped he was doing the right thing..
That certainly settled me right down…
Then Dr. Sleepy came by… you know, the anesthisiologistishetss.
By then the drugs were taking affect..
She sat down and told me, and I am not even kidding,
“I am going to be giving you the same sedative that killed Michael Jackson”
By this time my heart rate was 320 and I was chewing off my acrylic nails..
The last thing I remember, I was sitting in the chair in my pre-op cubicle.
Then I opened my eyes again, and there I was, in the chair in the pre-op cubicle.
I had no idea how much time had passed, but I did notice the one-size-fits-hippo’s were missing.
Suddenly, I found myself glad I wasn’t wearing makeup or my Nashville hair..
That means there is less chance any of the surgical team would recognize me on the street..
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Now I am hoping for a quick recovery so I can enjoy Christmas this weekend!
I am trying to follow the post op instructions like a good girl..
No driving or operating heavy machinery. Guess that means no flat iron..
They also recommend that I make no serious or permanent decisions for a few days.
But I disagree, and I think I am really going to love my new Tattoo….
Jessy
148 days ago
You know that picture is going on Pinterest…
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Kathy
148 days ago
Here’s to a speedy recovery. Merry Christmas to you and your family.
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Becky
148 days ago
HAHAHAHA I have been there! HAHAHA
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Debbie S
148 days ago
Speedy recovery to you!! Hope you and your family have a wonderful Merry Christmas!! Been thinking about you and praying for you!!
Debbie S
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Jan
148 days ago
Wow – you look better post-op than you did pre-op – exactly what ELSE did they do to you during the time that you don’t remember???
That drug always scares me – supposedly you don’t remember a thing – but I’m afraid that I was totally traumatized and screaming bloody murder from pain while I was “not remembering” anything…..
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Linda
148 days ago
Only the adorable Sharyl could have such a sense of humor after a surgery. Love it! Needed the laugh out loud today!
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Susan
148 days ago
Hilarious and so true! Have a speedy recovery and a wonderful Christmas.
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Tami
148 days ago
Praying for a quick recovery!
Merry Christmas.
~Tami
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Melissa Kaiserman
148 days ago
You kill me.
I’m hoping once you’re off the pain meds, you’ll reread this post and recant the part about what Dr. Sleepy told you. Because, really?
Merry Christmas!
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Cindy
148 days ago
Dr. Sleepy’s drugs agree with you — this is hilarious! Merry Christmas!
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momstheword
148 days ago
Hahahaha! You are so funny, lol! I’m glad you are on the upmend (is that even a word????)
I totally relate to the pain pills. I am on them now and sometimes I lose my train of…….what was I saying?
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Linda @ it all started with paint
148 days ago
Oh, I think this is my most favorite ever post of yours … so very witty!
And, yes, I didn’t run and hide after you posted that very 80′s perm and mullet photo!
Maybe I should take a few pain meds before writing up my next blog post
And I hope you have a speedy recovery …
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Carol-Anne
148 days ago
You are a hoot! You really need to write a book!
Hope you feel better soon and have a wonderful Christmas!
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Kathy @ Creative Home Expressions
148 days ago
LOL! You are a rip, Sharyl! Glad to see the pain pills are going right to your head! : ) See, now, you could have turned this around and made a fantabulous “Not Your Gma’s Wardrobe” post with the sweats and slippers and then the much coveted hospital gown. Also, I’m not surprised at what you were hearing at the hospital. Several years ago I had a partial hysterectomy and while my doctor was talking to me beforehand and looking at the chart, called over to a nurse and asked why it was down that I was having hip replacement surgery. Awesome! Then they wonder why there are so many lawsuits. Did they have you call out your name as you went into the operating room and what you were there for? I had to do that; very reassuring.
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Patricia
148 days ago
Bless your heart. I hope you have a speedy recovery.
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Stephanie
147 days ago
The one thing we all love about you Sharyl is that sense of humor of yours!
Prayers for a speedy recovery and pray that mullet is long gone like mine.
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Jill C.
147 days ago
You never fail to make me laugh and smile! I hope you are feeling 100% better soon. Do Not push it with the recovery–boy could I tell you a story about someone who did not take it easy like she was supposed to. Merry Christmas
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Sandy
147 days ago
And the pain med post did NOT dissappoint!! I am laughing so hard that I am crying!! Too funny Sharyl!! Hope you do recover quickly…although keep taking whatever you are on!! LOL
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Teresa of Blossomwood Farms
147 days ago
Hope you’re ok!! Merry Christmas!
Teresa
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Karrin
147 days ago
You make it all sound so glamorous! I’m glad to hear everything went well. Merry Christmas to you and your family! Hope you’re recovered enough by this weekend to fully enjoy the festivities.
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Lynne
147 days ago
You are so funny, even under the influence of drugs! Your family photo was awesome! It looks so current! You should send it out in your Christmas cards! Lol! Take it easy- you have a medical reason just to kick back and enjoy the prelude to Christmas!
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melissa@joyineveryseason
147 days ago
You are too too funny! I’m so glad things went well … you are lovely in your new coat!
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Jolene
147 days ago
Oh friend, you are hilarious! “O what fun it is to read your BLOG” Enjoy your Christmas ~ rest up.
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SheilaG
147 days ago
Too funny! I’m a casual jeans and sweatshirt kinda’ girl, but I gotta’ have my makeup, so I can relate. I remember once just before a procedure my doctor doing a double-take when he saw me without makeup- whoa! Makes a girl feel confident…. (and ready for the anesthesia, quick!)
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Reanna
146 days ago
Hilarious post, hope you feel better soon, Sharyl.
Great pics too!
Merry Christmas to you and yours
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Judy
146 days ago
Prayers for a speedy recovery, but don’t let that “SPEED” thing let you think you can do too much. Even with outpatient surgery, you need to REST REST REST!
I had the same girlie organ removed on November 10th. Unfortunately, they nicked my bladder, and didn’t realize it at the time. I’m now on a catheter (min 6 weeks) to allow the bladder to de-traumatize enough to do the repair surgery.
But I’ll tell you what has saved my sanity…PINTEREST! It’s like an endless magazine. I’ve spent many many hours pinning away. And I have YOU to thank for it! I heard about Pinterest from your blog, and you offered to send an invite to anyone. I’m so glad I took you up on it! I’m planning for all the stuff I will be able to do once this is all over. I love not having to worry about forgetting all the ideas that I see.
Seriously, I’m so glad you introduced me to it…medicine for the soul!
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Taylor
146 days ago
That Michael Jackson comment is just wrong!
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Lynne
145 days ago
Just checking in on you! I hope you are on the mend and enjoying a little bit of down time. Merry Christmas!
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Christina @ Christina's Adventures
145 days ago
oh my word…without fail you crack me up everytime. Loved alllll of this post…glad the surgery went so well…I mean, you look like a movie star after all that work
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Melesa Garrison
142 days ago
I had my hysterectomy 5 yrs ago this month and they didn’t let me wear make-up either…Boy were they sorry! Thankfully, I looked alot like you coming off the operating table. Ok, I really looked like hammered owl poop! Hope you are feeling as good as I did after mine…Seriously, I never felt better…God’s Speed! You still crack me up and I love it!
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GrannyA
141 days ago
Love it . . . I had a hysterectomy three years ago . . . I just love the story of your “procedure”.
Praying you have a speedy recovery.
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Kathy t
137 days ago
Sharyl, Happy New Year! I just now read this post! Hopefully you are relaxing and recovering nicely. Lots of good naps and browsing your favorite blogs. This post was just too funny! You would make a great stand up comic.
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Liz G
132 days ago
I had my surgery of a female nature 10 years ago at the age of 32 & haven’t looked back since. The HysterSisters.com saved my sanity during that time answering every question about recovery & being “normal” I could think of. You should check them out because your hilarious post would fit right in with the spririt of the Web site. I hope you’re doing well & had a restful Christmas & good luck to you in the new year!
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scot
131 days ago
I love you!! You are just so darn funny. You really do need to write that book! It’s good to be able to laugh at such times!! When I had my youngest baby (22 yrs ago) I clutched onto my favorite Revlon lipstick #133 for 18 hrs. Mommy had to have her lips on before meeting her new little gal. I wound up having to have an emergency C section. My first words when I woke up was, (Yep) WHERE’S MY LIPSTICK ? Anyway, Health & Happiness to you & yours, Shar. Cheers to 2012!!
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Rupa
129 days ago
Happy new year to you! I hope you are doing great after the surgery. I had such a laugh reading this post that had to cover my mouth tightly to not let any noise out (my fault for reading your post at work!). You are one funny lady with a lot of spunk, you are my hero Gma!
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